By: Cesca Villapando
Grief is a universal experience yet involves subjective consciousness. No one definition of grief is superior to the other. Many have gone through it and many more are bound to, but the experience is not rigid. Hence, the meanings people attach to grief and their knowledge of it make sense through a common vessel — the human body.
Why are some tasks automatically performed by the body, no matter how taxing? Preparing meals for loved ones, ironing their clothes, and making their side of the bed when they forget to. Such activities are labeled chores, but are they not on par with the no-brainer responses to someone’s presence like turning one’s head around at the sound of their footsteps or reaching for them on the other side of the bed? Perhaps, these are not simply chores nor no-brainer responses, these are part of an individual’s system and identity.
Martha Carr recounted in her article Wordless Grief-The Body Remembers, an instance of an earthquake waking her up from slumber and her instinct was to reach for her husband. “My brain scrambles to figure out what is happening and, while I am still moving, my right arm instinctively and spontaneously reaches out, grabbing for Richard. For 42 years he slept to the right of me. The bed is empty of course. It’s been empty for four years.” She expounded on having to reconcile a reality where her husband exists with the other, in which he is already gone.
Martha’s action did not only stem from the external stimulus, it was also triggered by muscle memory.
The Cambridge Dictionary describes muscle memory as the ability to move a part of the body without thinking about it. (Gentsch & Kuehn, 2022), on the other hand, explores body memory as a sum of all past bodily experiences that influence behavior. Research states that these body memories can be implicit and are often not subject to intentional rumination. “It may be difficult to verbalize our bodily experiences in day-to-day living or even during important life events; nevertheless, they may impact our bodily states at any given moment in time, particularly during emotional experiences.”
The body doesn’t forget may be a disagreeable statement, however, (Toth, 2022) detailed in a study of The science behind muscle memory that motor memory is persistent due to redundant neuron networks produced by repeating actions or skills. ”They speculate that even if the specific neurons associated with the skill's initial development were suppressed, the brain would find another way to perform the movement.”
Just as muscle memory can be thought of as a natural occurrence, grief’s impacts can be seen in the same light. One of which is continuing bonds.
To put it simply, continuing bonds are the enduring relationships of the bereaved with their loved ones who passed away. These bonds can take many forms such as reminiscing on shared memories, keeping the items of the departed, and even, through sensory triggers. (Ryder, 2018) found that 91% of people agree that sensory triggers remind them of something they are grieving. The triggers included old photographs, the deceased’s favorite song, perfume, and touching remnants of the departed’s clothing or items.
So that was continuing bonds – finding an enduring connection with our loved ones. (Hughes, 2024)
Building on this, the respondents of the study conducted (Jahn & Spencer-Thomas, 2014) reported that after being bereaved by suicide, they had spiritual experiences involving the deceased that occurred through dreams, feeling the presence of the person, and profound coincidences. The researchers notably stated, “It is also important for the bereaved to know that, while most assign positive meaning to these manifestations of continuing bonds, any reaction to these experiences is normal and should be accepted.” From the British Journal of Guidance Counselling, “Most interviewees described experiences of presence occurring repeatedly, sometimes daily, during a long period after the person’s death. For a few, experiences spanned more than a decade after their bereavement.” Four of the interviewees also also reported sensory experiences not explicitly involving the person they lost, but which they associated with them being present (e.g. a sunbeam in the sky).
Truly, grief is complex and often intangible nevertheless, it is not something to be stored away untalked about nor bounded by rigid rules of what it should and should not be. Trying to comprehend grief through literal definitions usually devoid of the human intricacies of dealing with grief, removes the space for understanding how the human body carries it.
REFERENCES:
Phillipson, D. (2020, November 22). Wordless Grief — The Body Remembers - HOPE Connection. HOPE Connection. http://hopegroups.org/wordless-grief-the-body-remembers/
Gentsch, A., & Kuehn, E. (2022). Clinical Manifestations of Body Memories: The Impact of Past Bodily Experiences on Mental Health. Brain Sciences, 12(5), 594. https://doi.org/10.3390/brainsci12050594
Toth, A. (2022, July 15). The science behind muscle memory. Scope. https://scopeblog.stanford.edu/2022/07/15/the-science-behind-muscle-memory/
Ryder, S. (2018). “A Sense of Grief”: How the five senses can spark grief. Sue Ryder. https://www.sueryder.org/blog/a-sense-of-grief/
Hughes, S. (2024, July 16). Continuing bonds: Theory and bereavement. Counselling-Directory.org.uk; Counselling Directory. https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/articles/continuing-bonds-theory-and-bereavement
Jahn, D. R., & Spencer-Thomas, S. (2014). Continuing Bonds Through After-Death Spiritual Experiences in Individuals Bereaved by Suicide. Journal of Spirituality in Mental Health, 16(4), 311–324. https://doi.org/10.1080/19349637.2015.957612
Sabucedo, P., Hayes, J., & Evans, C. (2021). Narratives of experiences of presence in bereavement: sources of comfort, ambivalence and distress. British Journal of Guidance & Counselling, 49(6), 1–18. https://doi.org/10.1080/03069885.2021.198315
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